DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?

DOES IT STILL PLAY FORWARD?

The biggest limiting factor in many lives today is the past, plain and simple.

In the “co-creative process of life recovery” that I deeply believe in, a huge part of the coached journey is taking a very hard and detailed look at the past and fully getting things that are buried within externalized.

In my journey, I found for me, the biggest limitations that were preventing me from having the abundant life I deserved were limitations that were ingrained in me when I was young.

Another good idea from my mentor Dr. Randin Brons in his “Idea Engineer” this week on this subject. Please read and reflect.

The past in the present 

“If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.” — Louise Hay

Pick one aspect of your life, e.g. your health, your competence, your prosperity or relationships, and think back to when you were a child. What messages about this subject did you hear from adults at that time that are still playing on your subconscious tape recorder? Messages like: “Men can’t be trusted.” “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” “You’re not smart enough to succeed in business.”

How is your world reflecting your beliefs back to you, today?

“There are no limitations to the self except those you believe in.” — Seth

The Courage to Change

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE

Courage: The power to let go of the familiar.
–Raymond Lindquist

Letting go of the familiar really does require courage.

Why?

Very simply, the thought of change evokes fear. Fear of what? Only YOU can answer for you.

Let me pose three very simple questions to you. If they really get you thinking, let’s talk about them.

What self esteem issues or addiction related issues are your biggest challenges?

What will happen to you and what will it cost you if you don’t deal with them?

What do you want instead?

These questions are change related, and many who read this and honestly think about these three simple questions will have some very interesting answers, and possibly some questions.

If you want change and can overcome your fear, let’s talk today. Don’t procrastinate or change will never happen. Respond now for a free consultation only if you have the courage to change. You’ll be glad you took this step. ( khbray@coached-to-success.com This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or khbray@hopeserenity.ca This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it )

R U A DUCK?

A DUCK? WHO ME?

One of the joys of living in the times we do is the internet. It gives us a huge access to information and people. Through the site www.myrecoveryspace.com, I have had the good fortune of befriending Dennis S. in the California desert.

Dennis writes a lot of things I can relate to and learn from. But it is the way he “paints a picture” that I really love. Today, I’ll see if I’ve learned anything from Dennis.

Today I see a picture done in bright pastels on a very white background. The sky is blue with fluffy clouds, there are green hills and wild flowers surrounding a calm lake, and alone on the lake is a duck swimming in what appears to be a very relaxed manner but moving with no apparent destination.

Funny, I often see this picture when talking with others, particularly those who I know have trouble but want the world to see a person just swimming along. A person in denial.

Words from the well known Richard Cardinal Cushing frame my picture. “When I see a bird that walks like a duck and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck”.

I know that Cushing would see me as a duck, and for many years, I was the duck that appears in my mental picture. A duck just swimming along in an idyllic setting just constantly moving aimlessly forward.

What you don’t see in my picture, nor did you see in my life, was what was going on beneath the surface and in the head.

To move forward, I was thrashing my legs as hard as I could. It was exhausting and quite out of control, but it was the only way I thought I could make progress, and I didn’t want those looking on to know how hard I was working and to realize how out of control things were. All this thrashing under the surface and no real idea of where I was going.

And the head- wow- what a theatre was going on in there.

I saw eagles, but try as I might I couldn’t soar with them. I just wasn’t equipped. There was no clear vision of where I was going and certainly no acceptance of what I was.

Pictures can be deceiving.

Today I appreciate being a duck, but a duck with purpose and I’m fine with it. I am loved and there are truly perils if I act like an eagle.

When I run into other ducks, I can tell very quickly what they are. I know rapidly how much thrashing is going on under the surface because I can feel the vibrations. I get a very good sense of what’s going on in the head because I understand quacking.

The picture to the outside world may look lovely. If the duck you see is at peace, then it is lovely. If the duck you see is struggling and is denying it’s a duck, it will be swallowed up.

Take a little time to see yourself in the picture. Are you a duck and what is going on beneath the surface and in the head where those looking from the shore can’t see?

If you can relate and want to talk with a duck who loves life as a duck, then give me a shout. Possibly from one duck to another I can help you find a smoother, less exhausting life. (Keith, www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca).

SELF ESTEEM CONTINUED

Self Esteem Continued

To me, self esteem is the most important possession a human being can have. We were born innocent, and the lowering of self esteem occurred through life experiences and over time.

They key point, we were born with self esteem and it still exists within all of us, but with many, it is driven deep into the subconscious and must be “relocated”.

Please read a quote from an “Idea Engineer” piece written by my friend and mentor Dr. Randin Brons:

“The basis for having a strong sense of self-esteem is to replace our unconscious idea of basic unworthiness with a conscious knowing of our fundamental inherent goodness. As Matthew Fox argues in Original Blessing, the notion of ‘original sin’ must be replaced with the truth of ‘original blessing.’ Being in touch with our essential goodness, we can see the essential goodness in others as well.” “Beliefs separate. Loving thoughts unite.” — Paul Ferrini

Why do people seek coaches or other methods of self improvement? Above is the true answer.

I have not worked with a person in my coaching practise or in “service” work that has started the process with even reasonable self esteem on a conscious level. A goal with just about everyone I work with to re-establish a loving relationship with self. From there, anything is possible. Without healthy self esteem the future has major limitations.

Look in that mirror and see if you consciously love the person you see. If work is needed, take action, don’t wait; it does not get better on its own! (www.coached-to-success.com). (khbray@coached-to-success.com)

THE FACE in the MIRROR

THE FACE in the MIRROR.

THE FACE in the MIRROR

On of the greatest compliments I have ever had from a client is that in our relationship, I was a great mirror for him.

The mirror is an inexpensive tool all those seeking improved self esteem have at their disposal. It is a tool I often make a primary one in working with others.

Why?

Read on from a great article just published in his “Idea Engineer” by my mentor and friend, Dr. Randin Brons.

The face in the mirror 

“Our inability to see beauty doesn’t suggest in the slightest that beauty is not there. Rather, it suggests that we are not looking carefully enough or with broad enough perspective to see the beauty.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner

Who are you? You can gaze at your reflection in a mirror but you’re not likely to see your true likeness. You are beautiful, unique, perfect. Do you see that?

The world needs you to see how whole and complete you are — now. Can you begin to own your divinity? The world needs you to know who you really are so you can be the mirror for others.

“I do only want to advise you to keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer.” — Rainer Maria Rilke

“The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing.” — John Muir

Need some help to gain the perspective to see the beauty in you? That’s what coaching is about. Learn how to see through the mirror to that divine you. Let the sun shine brilliantly “In” you. (www.coached-to-success.com and www.hopeserenity.ca).

 

 

HOLISTIC LIVING-SPIRITUAL AWAKENING

Holistic Living-Spiritual Awakening

For something to have an “AWAKENING”, it must have been asleep. Now isn’t that the most brilliant thing you’ve ever read.

For me, I made the changes in my life for one big reason, to live abundantly with peace with in. I was an unhappy person and knew that there was a positive option. I had no real idea on how to realize the option. After trying to figure it out and fix it on my own without real success, I sought and got help.

Change was hard but I did the work, was active with my teachers and did the work assigned and got results. I was put on a path and have stayed on it.

While I did have issues like addiction, promiscuity and dishonesty at play in my life, they were not the problem; they were contributing factors.

For me, I have found a holistic approach to change worked. Mental, physical and spiritual; each area interdependent on the other.

Spiritual scares the heck out of many. SPIIRITUAL IS NOT RELIGIOUS, although many I know have had a spiritual awakening and found a religion of choice. That has not been my personal experience-YET. I try to seldom say never.

I have had a SPIRITUAL AWAKENING.

I respect anyone who has spiritual beliefs and puts then INTO PRACTICE. It could be as simple as practicing the golden rule through behaviour.

I believe we are all born with a “spiritual” component inside. Look at history, from earliest history of man there has been an acknowledgement of and a search for some type of higher power and at certain times, following multiple higher powers. It is with us all.

Simply put, for a long time, I, by choice, allowed my spirituality to go to sleep. I intentionally ignore it. I did not feed or nurture it. Funny, I always at one level or another knew it was there.

I did have a spiritual awakening and for me it was a direct result of something said by a coach, then followed up on through a face to face meeting. Something came back to life. For many years now I have cherished it, kept in touch with it and nurtured it. It continues to grow. Ironically as the more interaction I have with it, the better my life gets.

I would not have the abundant life I have today without having had a spiritual awakening and making the “spiritual” an integral part of my daily balanced living.

So you want happiness, abundance, serenity and all those good things in your life that you have not got enough of today. Try a balanced, holistic approach to living, get help, do the work and bask in the results. If you’re spiritually asleep today, be sure to make an “awakening” an important part of your journey. It is a big key! (www.coached-to-success.com or www.hopeserenity.ca)

SELF-RESPECT = SELF-ESTEEM-Want a shot?

Self respect = Self esteem

Last week I had the opportunity to talk with you a little bit about the meaning of RESPECT.

 Ultimately, in the addiction world, we have to add SELF into the equation. How important is self respect/self esteem and have I got it?I have had the opportunity to interface with multiple thousands of people who have addiction issues or have been directly impacted by addiction. I have worked individually with hundreds. Let me make a bold statement:  “I have never met an active addicted person who has good self esteem (or self respect)”.

Chew on that one.

self esteem exercise

Go to the mirror, look the person you see straight in the eye, and see what your immediate reaction is.

If it’s less than very positive, you have a self esteem issue – no “ifs”, “ands” or “buts” about it. What you chose to do about it is strictly up to you; but this person says you’d better get help and not self help. If you could fix things yourself, you would have already done it! Don’t kid yourself.

Mental and emotional damage of the inner child

A quote from Gertrude Stein, “We are always the same age inside”.

Most people were born mentally healthy and then they began to experience life. At an early age, we either felt good about who or what we are, or, through our environment and experiences, began to get mentally and emotionally damaged.

I don’t like to talk to those of you who might be macho about “the Inner Child”, but if you have low self esteem today, when did the seeds get planted? Again, if you are honest with yourself, things probably started as a child and you have never felt 100% about you; this has caused emotional pain. What temporarily gets rid of emotional pain better than finding escape- booze, drugs, sex shopping, eating, gambling – the list goes on?

Emotional healing after addiction

As Stein says, we are always the same age inside. I’ll take it one step farther, while we always have that child inside, IF WE take action the inner child can heal.

The road to healing begins with getting honest with our self and accepting our low self image as a start point, then having the courage to take action to change and heal. Recovery from addiction begins with making our inner child a happy center that is alive, free and full of joy.

It can be called, “finding respect for self” and “esteem for self”. They go hand in hand. If I love and respect me, would I do the abusive things to myself that I did in active addiction? Would I do the things I put myself through to people I care about? Would I wish my self abuse on anyone?

So what is today’s message?

From this person’s perspective, if you want to be free of addictions or other self-destructive behavior, the place you have to start at is taking the hard actions needed to create a YOU who You respect and hold in reasonable esteem.

Wonder how? Fire some questions; let us know you’re alive!

Photo credit: Nicolai Kjærgaard